Gearing up for the show

Late Saturday night wondering how I am going to pull it off-for my solo show opening this next Tuesday night. Today I finished covering the bottoms of my meal trays in paper pulp-, which are drying outside. I still have to cover them in all of the different packaging and wrapping of the food that I have consumed over the past month. I have almost completed the soap stanchion labyrinth- I just have to find the right cord for them. Today, I got to talk again with Marcel via skype- only this time the audio was not functioning- so my mom was on the phone talking to Marcel and at the same time I was on skype- & could write my mom back and forth- the questions that I still had for Marcel. I have this idea to project different photographs- alternating between the surroundings around Mooste and of the area, which surrounds the prison where my brother is living in Eastern Oregon. Despite being very far apart- there are still some parallels that I can draw.

Suur Munamagi

Sarah invited me to join her on an excursion to the highest point in Estonia, Suur Munamagi. She was heading out to paint & thought she would ask if I wanted to come along for the ride. I decided to bring all of my carving with me- to sit outside & carve in the grass. The highest point was actually so covered in trees that you could not see anything without climbing to the top of this look out tower. There was also an elevator option- but it was twice the price-so we hiked to the top. It was rather windy & not such a good place to paint after all-but we could see as far as Russia & there were arrows indicating the different directions of all major cities as well as Mount Everest. We descended the “Estonian Everest” -which took about five minutes and drove to a small picturesque village called Rouge- which all of the roads seemed to lead to. Behind a red roofed church we found a small dirt road looking out over the deepest lake in Estonia-with swans, flower sprinkled hills & forests it was the perfect place for Sarah to set up her easel and to put on her smock which reads “do not disturb” on the back. Apparently she wrote this request- while living in the USA -& having various people bother her for photos or to see what she was painting. In this remote setting it looked rather funny. The view, although beautiful didn’t do much to assist me in getting my carving done, but it was nice to spend such a beautiful day outside of my studio. After the light changed too much for Sarah to continue painting we packed up & returned to Mooste. She prepared fried rice for the two of us as I continued carving. After dinner we stayed up carving together fueling ourselves with dark chocolate, red wine, & lively discussion. She drove me back to MoKS around midnight with 88 finished stanchions.

Empathy

I went to retrieve my long chain today and oddly enough it was not there. It appeared as though it had been there for years untouched with plants growing under and over it- but it had disappeared. Maybe someone saw the value in it after I had expressed an interest in it- and had finally gotten permission to take it. Since Evelyn and John were making a trip into Tartu- I wanted to take advantage of their offer to take a load of things to the gallery. After calculating that I would need roughly 75 bricks to fill three windows- Evelyn calculated that her car could hold about half of that weight in bricks. So there will need to be two trips.
Recently I have been able to relate to this feeling that Marcel has expressed, where when you do not hear back from someone you have written to- you start to think about all of the different ways that you may have offended them- & worry that they are mad at you. I think that it is the isolation that causes this kind of paranoia. Everyone else is just going about their life, but from the slow standpoint of Mooste, or from the prison- it almost feels like people are actively ignoring you if you do not hear back from them. I think it is the combination of large quantities of time and very limited human interaction- that tends to amplify the importance of the interactions that you do have, or hope to have. At some moments I find myself huddled next to my laptop, as though it were a fireplace, something to warm me with feelings of social connectedness....
I heard from my mom that Marcel wrote her a letter about being the sickest that he has ever been in prison this past week. He was sweating in his bed- and even had to hang up his sheets and blanket in the middle of the night- while shivering as he waited for them to dry out. And yet, Marcel considers himself lucky to not have caught pneumonia like some of the others. Once again, my own worries and concerns about things like whether or not to attend Art Basel during my week off seem so privileged. Despite my efforts to put myself in a remote & disorienting place such as Mooste, in order to relate more to Marcel’s experiences I hardly feel like I have a glimpse of the social isolation that he experiences living all of those years in those same yards, corridors, cells... After the sun has set & my solitude turns towards loneliness- I wonder to myself how empathy (to put yourself in someone elses shoes) is possible?
Estonian word of the day: "Erutus" meaning emotion.

Dream catchers

I guess it is hard to make a spontaneous trip to Russia- because of the ten "working days" that it takes to issue an American a tourist visa. I guess I could have planned ahead a little more on that one. Maybe I will have to take a 36-hour bus ride down to Art Basel for a couple of days in order to compensate for the disappointment. First I need to get myself through my show. So I plan to camp out in the gallery Saturday & Sunday night- while setting up. There is a small kitchen and bathroom in the gallery- apparently all I have to bring is my own sleeping bag. I found out today that yes indeed I get to borrow this massive chain that I discovered half buried in the back of an old warehouse. Evelyn just had to check with the owners of the property and it turns out that I can take it for my show- as long as I bring it back after. After all the metal may be worth the weight of a six pack- once it is traded in at the scrap yard. The chain is large and long enough for me to coil into a massive labyrinth on the floor.
I had my last class with the fifth grade today & they were eager to learn how to make the dream catchers that I had promised to show them to make. I had gotten up early to prep the circle support structures out of Q-tips, but the children did all of the rest. I just gave a small demo and helped a few of them get started. I suggested that if they wanted to add beads- they could carve some out of soap to add to their web. Time expired before they were quite done, but I set up a time if some wanted to come back to finish. One of the boys keeps asking about having one of Marcel’s origami scorpions- and today even offered to buy one. I told him after the show I would gift him one, but he would have to write Marcel to thank him.

This afternoon I had a spontaneous visit from a local 19-year-old girl who is working as a graphic designer in the nearby town of Polva. I guess she had found my blog through the MoKS website. Feeling pressed for time, I offered her a glass of wine and I continued to carve as she told me about how her mother had moved her family from Tallinn to Mooste when she was 15 years old- & what an adjustment she had to make. She says she hitchhikes to work- that it is quite easy here in Estonia. I told her "easy" wasn’t always the issue- & asked whether it was also safe. She said that she has not had any problems so far. I used to hitchhike a lot while living in Canada, but it has been a while since I have used my thumb to get a lift. Although here with the language barrier I think I would be a little reluctant.
Estonian word of the day:"Vaikus" meaning silence.

Dog scare

The day had passed by at seemingly regular intervals-nothing too fast, nothing too slow. I made an outing to go to the post office, which is located in one of the blockhouses to send off some post cards. The woman there always appears to be pleased to have somebody come in & it almost seems like she willfully draws out the procedure- just to prolong having company. She tried her best to speak to me in English only once confusing “please” for “thank you”. I made a trip to the “pood”- store that is located in a different one of the blockhouses. I had ordered some more soap to come there- so I didn't want to let them down by not following through with the purchase. It turns out to be a stronger soap for hand washing clothes- but it has a similar enough look and feel. After roughly cutting out all of the stanchion forms, to be refined tomorrow- I decided to take yet another walk before the sun went down. I had noticed some old playground equipment that intrigued me in the kindergarten playground and I wanted to go back and photograph it after the kids went home. It appears a tad outdated & yet very charming.
My walk was the usual solitary peacefulness that I had expected- until I noticed a dog barking fiercely as I approached. I have always been a bit wary of dogs-even from behind fences- I tend to speed up my stride, but this dog was on the loose & wagging his tail. I tried to calm him down by making whistling sounds & trying to make him docile by treating him as though he was just a friendly old dog. It seemed to work- he backed off and I noticed that he had returned to someone laying on the side of the road- which at first rather alarmed me. I thought maybe someone had gotten hurt or fallen over, but then I noticed a beer bottle & I put two & two together. I had my camera in my pocket and I spontaneously decided to take a picture of the scene, which irritated the dog and he approached me again. Perhaps he could smell my fear- he just started coming towards me in a very intimidating way while growling and showing his teeth. I think my adrenaline kicked in at that point and I began sprinting and yelling "go away" not knowing what he would do if he caught up- I ran all the way back to MoKS even though the loyal & protective dog had returned to his inebriated master.
Estonian word of the day: "Kartus" meaning fear.

To Tartu to measure the windows

I had to go into Tartu today to take my poster design into the Y Gallerii- where I will be having a show-in a week! Kaisa, the woman who runs the gallery- made a special visit to the gallery even though it is closed on Mondays just to let me come in and measure the windows- to calculate how many soviet white bricks I will need to block them out. I was worried about how I was going to install them without the risk of them tumbling down on somebody's head, but it turns out that there are double windows- with a space big enough between them for me to lay the bricks. So now I just have to gather enough abandoned bricks here around Mooste.
I saw an interesting installation of locks on a small pedestrian bridge near the bus depot. It looks like people just started adding locks to it- maybe for good luck or something and then it just became a fad- to add a lock. There were all shapes and sizes of locks. I even saw a bike lock. I took a small video of all of the locks while crossing the bridge as well as a few pictures. Maybe it was just one person that put them all there, but I prefer the idea of them just accruing there naturally....
The bus ride back to Mooste was pleasant, the sun was shining through the window & I could see lots of flowers in bloom and horses grazing in green pastures with old stone windmills. Looking at the scenery is about all I can manage to do in a moving bus; I have never been able to read with motion without feeling ill- so for me transportation time is reserved for day dreaming or as one of my dad's teachers would accuse him of- "wool gathering".
I spent the afternoon making another batch of paper pulp- & managed to finish covering all seven of my meal trays- with only one hand-as my other one is bandaged up- and I did not want to get any printing ink in my wound. Now I just have to pray that they dry in time- other wise I may have to invest in a hair dryer...
Estonian word of the day: "nautima" meaning enjoy.

Teaching chess

It was another long day of carving soap stanchions. Evelyn suggested that I organize "a bee"- work party to get my carving done the fun way- While working with a couple other people- including Evelyn- I had a slip of the knife- and I sliced into my finger by accident. Evelyn bandaged me up- and for the rest of the day I wore my fingerless gloves- as some sort of barrier- that at least psychologically made me less vulnerable to the blade.
I was surprised to receive Diana- one of my devoted carvers from the fifth grade. We had made a date on Wednesday for me to teach her how to play chess- on Sunday at 5pm- & she remembered-so I had to honor her with a game, which ended up being two. The second- "a stale mate"- & it was my mate.

I took a long walk in the dark tonight around midnight. I walked down by the lake and even on to the dock- heading out over the water, which was full of reflections of trees and clouds. An occasional fish would pop out from the water half surprising me. I stood there almost feeling like I was to give a speech to the night- when I looked down something seemed to be glowing in the dark- on closer examination I realized that it was not glow in the dark stickers or splotches of paint but rather- duck poop. I kind of laughed to myself thinking about how something so grotesque could look so ethereal in the right light. Mooste by night seems especially vacant, I managed to run into a cat- who followed me home.
Estonian word of the day: "Tuhi" meaning empty.