Saturday, May 31, 2008

One last night at MoKS




It is my last night here in Mooste as a MoKS artist in residence. It has been a very peaceful, thought provoking month of May. Today I woke up early and caught a ride into Tartu with Sarah. I went to the university cafeteria, & sat down with a cup of "gunpowder tea". It was nice to be in the university atmosphere full of young intellectual hubbub. I then went to the Y Galerii and sat in the back again working on a drawing. I asked Kaisa about whether there had been a response from the local prison. She said that not yet, but that she had heard back from a young woman's correctional institution- & that they were interested to make a visit to the exhibition. Kaisa sent the interview between her and I to Sirp, and I guess it will come out next Friday.
It can be seen online at (http://www.sirp.ee/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=7167&Itemid=2)
Also there is an article in local Tartu paper: (http://tartu.postimees.ee/040608/tartu_postimees/kultuur/334859.php?aus-ja-tabudeta) It is going to be a strange feeling not to have to write a blog tomorrow night. Thanks to all of you who have followed or frequented my blog. I recommend this residency for artists who are looking for solitude, enjoy nature, & strive to make work, which is socially conscious. For more information check out their website: (http://www.moks.ee) For those of you who would like to continue to follow my work my future website will be www.annamarierockwell.com. If you have questions, comments or concerns regarding this blog- I can be reached through email: annamarierockwell@gmail.com Also my brother Marcel's projected release date is December 29, 2009- & between now and then he would greatly appreciate getting any letters- and he is very good about writing back. Letters to Marcel can be sent to my email address and I will print them out and send them to him prompty. Thanks.
Farewell,
Anna

Friday, May 30, 2008

Cleaning up the studio


Lots of soap to clean up! It feels funny to have to clean up a substance that is usually used for cleaning itself. One would think that it would be easy but actually it does not come off the floor so easily- it has to dissolve first with warm water. Also I needed to clean several buckets crusted with dry paper-pulp, which I decided in the shower was the best place for the job. This afternoon I had a visit from my reappearing 5th grader who wanted to play another game of chess. We had a game outside in the sun. I told her that I needed to pack up and finish a drawing, which I had promised a friend. She stayed and helped me with the drawing- laying down vine charcoal and helping me smudge it. She was excited to be using "real artist materials". And for me- old art school skills- such as perspective were tested. I took my drawing over to Sarah's house to borrow her spray-fix & ended up having a glass of whiskey to boot. It has been nice to be able to take it slow. The exhibition is up & I finished writing my interview responses, now to look for more challenges. "Si no tenemos problemas, las buscamos!"

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Interview with Kaisa




Interview between Kaisa and Anna:

1. How does prison isolate a person from the rest of society?

American prisons are usually located in very remote areas, which are not generally seen by the rest of society. The architecture is low to the ground and the neutral colors almost make them camouflage to their surroundings.
I guess the principle is “out of sight out of mind”. At my brother’s prison there are no windows and only internal courtyards, which can be rather disorienting as his only connection with the passage of the seasons is a rectangular patch of sky. Convicts are taken from various regions and shipped to whichever prison has vacancy, and consequently prisoners may end up very far from their hometown. This makes visits challenging for family and friends, as they may have to cross an entire state in order to reach their loved one for the three-hour visiting session.


2. When did you initiate your collaborative art project with your brother Marcel?

Shortly after my brother went to prison a gang member attacked him and a guard appeared as my brother was defending himself by pinning the other man down. Without being able to explain what had happened the two of them were sentenced to six months in “LOP”, which stands for “loss of privileges” or solitary confinement. Shortly after this event was Marcel's 21st birthday and my father and I drove eight hours in the fog to be able to spend the limited one-hour visit with him behind glass. Marcel expressed the angst that he felt and the idleness of being confined to a small cell with no access out except for a couple five-minute showers a week, by which he was taken to in handcuffs. His food tray was passed through a slot in the door. We wanted him to have material to read at least. I ordered him a subscription to “Architecture Digest”, and after reading it, Marcel began ripping out the pages and folding origami flower petals. He sent these petals to me in envelopes asking if I could glue them together, as he had no glue, and the coffee creamer and soap that he had tried to adhere them together with was not always strong enough. Marcel spent hours folding these small petals, as a way to pass his time, keeping his hands busy. They began to accumulate on my end, and although Marcel’s intention was for me to try and sell them on “E-bay”, I found them far to precious and decided to use them to make an art installation as part of my senior thesis at Pacific Northwest College of Art.

3. How does isolation effect one’s creativity?

Being in isolation can be extremely idle, and in order to combat feelings of stagnation and boredom Marcel found that having an outlet to express himself creatively was helpful for staying relaxed in such a rigid environment. Often artists seek isolation, as it is needed for introspection and for the imagination to flourish. Solitude can be necessary for accessing one’s inner creativity, however complete sensory deprivation can lead to negative effects on the mind and body. For example, my brother’s eyesight was impaired by not being able to look in the distance for those six months.


4. In the book of Shakespeare the prince Hamlet declares that Denmark is
like a prison. In your and Marcel’s collaboration "isolation" is first
and foremost connected with territory. How does this zone, which is physically defended with borders, foster isolation?

A prison can be a country or a building or even a state of mind. It can have physical borders, but it can also be a series of internal barriers that one sets for oneself. A prison is somewhere that you do not feel free. As for the “prison zone”- one is not free to make very many of their own decisions. You are given an identity number and you are told with whom you are going to share a cell with. You are at the mercy of the guards and gang members who are sharing the same “big house”. It is isolating because you cannot go out and seek your own life, choose your own job, socialize with whom you would like to socialize with. An inmate is lucky if they have someone devoted enough to visit them from the outside or to send them a letter.


5. How is your collaboration like "border crossing"?

There is a similar feeling going into the prison as passing through an airport. Everyone going in the prison to visit has to check in with a valid I.D. card and they have to be on the appropriate visiting list with no criminal history. Then you have to pass through a metal detector and follow the dress code to ensure that nobody is dressed in blue jeans, or similar attire to the prisoners. You are given an invisible stamp on your hand, which you have to show under a black light. In order to reach the visiting room you pass through various automated doors, which are under high surveillance. The guards choose where you are to sit for your visiting session and they tell you when your time is up. One of the most difficult moments for me is after the visit when the inmates line up on one side of the room and the visitors on the other and I have the right to leave and my brother has to stay behind. Email is not permitted in prison, but Marcel has sent hundreds of letters home to all of the members of my family describing what life in prison is like for him. They are very strict about what kinds of things can be sent into the prison. They inspect all of his mail, and I have had letters returned to me, because they have a smear of lipstick on the envelope, and they deem it “ a foreign substance”. Phone calls are also monitored and recorded and they are very expensive. My whole family has made our cell phones the area code of the prison in order to reduce those costs for my brother. The origami that he was making and sending out was also prohibited, that the hollow space inside the origami was somehow a threat to the security of the institution. Contraband could be hidden in them, never mind that he was just making them to pass the time and to send out to his family. However, it was so important for Marcel to make origami that he covertly folded them by night, in his cell. They did not inspect what he was sending out, so we managed to have several exhibitions including his origami work. Although being a potencial risk of punishment for Marcel, this kind of creative deviance added yet another layer to the work.


6. Since prison is a rather taboo subject matter in American society, how does your family cope with Marcel’s incarceration?

At first it was difficult to be able to talk about my brother's incarceration openly with my friends and teachers. I was not ashamed of him, but I felt like it was just one of those things that people do not discuss, as it is not a fun or happy topic. My entire family was a bit in shock, as Marcel; despite having always been a mischievous kid was never seen as a serious threat to society. My mother wrote a lot about her feelings of helplessness and pain in relation to having her youngest son put in an adult prison for seven years. We all try to support him by writing him as much as possible and keeping him informed about changes in our lives. We spend holidays, such as Christmas with him in prison. My way of coping with the inadequacy that I feel to help him through his sentence is to collaborate artistically with him, and giving him an opportunity to show his creations in another context outside of prison.

7. At your opening lecture at the Y gallery you referred to yourself
As a “mediator” of social exchange, did you mean you are an “arbitrator”?

I see myself as being a facilitator, or mediator in that I am opening up a dialogue that may not have been so easy to have otherwise. Despite, the overwhelming American prison population not very many people on the outside are aware of it. They may have seen a very glamorized Hollywood version of prison, but they are not familiar with the dismal reality that prisoners face. Since putting myself in a position where I can re-contextualize my brother’s raw experiences and creations, compiling them into a cohesive body of work it has become my objective to curate the work, abstracting it into a conceptual, and yet socially accessible art. In return, Marcel offers me a filter in which to see my own life and to reconcider what I view as problems.

8. How is your work effected by embracing the same limited materials that Marcel has access to?

I decided to voluntarily embrace using the same limited materials as Marcel as a form of solidarity to his situation and efforts to work within constraints.
I have not yet taken the leap into using his same limited tools. As I was carving eighty stanchions out of soviet soap here in Mooste, Estonia I thought of him carving teeth out of soap with his prison I.D. card as a way to learn dental anatomy and was really impressed with his perseverance. Working with limited materials can be very rewarding, as it forces you to have to think in very unconventional ways, which actually seems to dilate the creative process. After having been in art school with such an over saturation of mediums to choose from I found it relieving to work within this “narrower palette”, so to speak.


9. Could you give a general overview of your collaborative works in Y gallery?


I mailed a few pieces from the U.S.A to Tartu for this show “Marcelit Moostele”. I mailed an entire shoebox filled with origami scorpions, each taking an hour for Marcel to fold. I arranged these in a labyrinth on one of the gallery walls. They speak of the passage of time both in a literal and more symbolic way. Also included in the show is an origami chess set, which Marcel made while in isolation so that he could play with the inmate in the next cell- through the wall. The board is made out of a handkerchief with small blue squares, which he cut out with a razor from an old T-shirt.

I also sent in the mail a series of ivory soap teeth, which my brother had carved, in order to prepare himself for joining my uncle’s business in dental technology. Marcel also carved some small figurines, or busts of some of the other inmates in the prison out of soap. I positioned these busts next to the responses to a question that I had asked Marcel to ask some of the inmates in his prison, “what makes you feel isolated or alone?”. I also included in the exhibition a small book that Marcel wrote and illustrated called “The Convict Cookbook”, which shows you how you can pass the time in prison, and how you can resourcefully create things like lighters, tattoo guns, mouse traps out of available prison materials.

As for the work that I made while at MoKS, Center for Art and Social Practice I had brought a few kernels of inspiration for new work- a drawing that Marcel had made me of this idea I had to make a labyrinth out of stanchions, and a weeks worth of keeping a food log in prison, describing what was on his meal tray each day. He had depicted this by drawing the small-compartmentalized tray and describing what was in each space.
From these two things I was inspired to make several larger projects. I realized a three dimensional version of his drawing, by carving all eighty stanchions out of soap and installing them in an installation next to his drawing. I eliminated the cord between the posts as a way to abstract it even further, suggesting that perchance our hindrances are perceived from the inside, and projected to the outside world. I also kept record of my food consumption during the month I spent in Mooste by saving all of the food packaging. I condensed one month’s food wrappers into one week’s worth of meal trays, which I made to accompany his. I wanted to draw a parallel between the monotony and disorientation that we each experienced while passing time in these different isolated places.
The final piece that I made while here in Estonia is a projection which is titled “Isolating landscapes” which shows alternating images from Oregon where my brother is serving his prison sentence to the surrounding areas around Mooste, where I have spent a month collaborating with him, in this sort of self inflicted exile in order to share some of the same feelings of isolation and disorientation that Marcel deals with in prison.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Extended day of carving





I woke up around 11 this morning, minutes before the gallery was supposed to open. I had to quickly scramble to get dressed and get to do the fine-tuning of my art that I had stayed over to do. One at a time I took a soap stanchion from the exhibition to the kitchen-, which functioned as my "green room" or back stage. I wanted to carve the bases a bit more- making them a little more uniform. In the end- I decided that I did not want them to have cords between them- like the drawing has. Especially after my lecture and conversations about whether isolation is the result of external or internal factors- I feel like often barriers are invisible- stemming from our perception of a given situation. I almost feel like the eye connects the posts together, although a few people thought that they were graveyard crosses. I guess they can also symbolize the prison population, which in some ways has been buried alive. Throughout the day only about 4 people came to visit the gallery. A man who's title escapes me- but is the head of one of the departments at the university regarding art and culture- came and spoke to me in the back- saying that he was moved- or rather "immobilized"- he put it-feeling a complete drain of energy while looking at my meal trays. I guess he meant it as a compliment- saying that "good art" is not always pleasant to experience. I heard after he left from Kaisa, that he suggested that she contact the local Tartu prison and give an open invitation for inmates to visit the exhibition. I guess there are some inmates on minimum security that may be able to come for a visit- with a few security guards. I even offered to give another lecture just for them. Wouldn't that be great- if some Estonian inmates could come and look at the work that Marcel and I have made in collaboration! I will have to see how they respond. In the meantime I am busy writing my responses to the questions for the interview- for SIRP paper....
It was nice to return to Mooste this evening, although I forgot that I needed to get up and walk towards the front of the bus to indicate that i am getting off at the next stop= so he let me out a little past the bus stop-

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Up until the last minute







I worked up until the moment people began entering the gallery- took two minutes to change into the vintage dress which I packed especially for the occasion. However, I ripped a hole in it as I dried my hands off on it- forgetting that I was wearing weathered silk. My audience was rather small- I guess it is the time for exams in the university (which is where the usual audience comes from)- However it was an attentive audience with good questions. I had someone ask me when I felt the most isolated in my life- under what circumstances- & whether it was triggered from something within or external factors.
I also had Kaisa, the young woman who runs the gallery there with her laptop taking notes for the interview that she is doing for the national newspaper of culture- called "Sirp". Apparently after receiving my small text summery of the show they were interested in a larger article. This will be the first time that the Y- gallerii is mentioned in this paper, from what Kaisa says this paper usually only reviews exhibitions in Tallinn. Also I will be sure to mention MoKS, Center for Art and Social Practice so that they are not left out or shortchanged. It was for MoKS that I came to Estonia, the show was just a bonus.
After my lecture a group of us celebrated by going out to eat food from Georgia- and talk about "wedgies" & how things like that can become universal through cartoons and other such instruments of globalization...lots of laughter- which felt good after the build up of stress to get the show up. I decided to spend one more night here in the gallery with my art- to live with it- make some small adjustments before I open it up again to the public tomorrow. Then I plan to return to MoKS, to enjoy a few last days in Mooste-post exhibition wind down. I would like to sip a few more cups of inka & have a few more solitary walks on unpaved roads before venturing over to Switzerland to check out Art Basel, & see what the "Olympics of the art world" has on display.

Monday, May 26, 2008

exhausted

It is the night before my show- & once again too tired to write much. I am still camping out here in the gallery. I hope to have everything ready for tomorrow night. I will be giving a lecture here at the gallery around 18h- for all of you that happen to be near Tartu- come on by. For everyone else- I will post pics after the opening. Thank you for the ongoing support.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Camping out at the Y Gallerii




I have a little hide-away bed & a sleeping bag so that I can sleep right here in the gallery and not waste any time while setting up my exhibition "Marcelilt Moostele" - meaning "From Marcel to Mooste” I lucked out to get a ride in to Tartu with Sarah. She helped me pick up a load of bricks-from a huge pile that we had to sort through finding the ones that were still intact and without too much mortar on them. I have begun filling up the windows and setting up all four rooms. It is now 4am and already light out- but I will sleep for a few hours before I call it a new day.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Gearing up for the show





Late Saturday night wondering how I am going to pull it off-for my solo show opening this next Tuesday night. Today I finished covering the bottoms of my meal trays in paper pulp-, which are drying outside. I still have to cover them in all of the different packaging and wrapping of the food that I have consumed over the past month. I have almost completed the soap stanchion labyrinth- I just have to find the right cord for them. Today, I got to talk again with Marcel via skype- only this time the audio was not functioning- so my mom was on the phone talking to Marcel and at the same time I was on skype- & could write my mom back and forth- the questions that I still had for Marcel. I have this idea to project different photographs- alternating between the surroundings around Mooste and of the area, which surrounds the prison where my brother is living in Eastern Oregon. Despite being very far apart- there are still some parallels that I can draw.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Suur Munamagi


Sarah invited me to join her on an excursion to the highest point in Estonia, Suur Munamagi. She was heading out to paint & thought she would ask if I wanted to come along for the ride. I decided to bring all of my carving with me- to sit outside & carve in the grass. The highest point was actually so covered in trees that you could not see anything without climbing to the top of this look out tower. There was also an elevator option- but it was twice the price-so we hiked to the top. It was rather windy & not such a good place to paint after all-but we could see as far as Russia & there were arrows indicating the different directions of all major cities as well as Mount Everest. We descended the “Estonian Everest” -which took about five minutes and drove to a small picturesque village called Rouge- which all of the roads seemed to lead to. Behind a red roofed church we found a small dirt road looking out over the deepest lake in Estonia-with swans, flower sprinkled hills & forests it was the perfect place for Sarah to set up her easel and to put on her smock which reads “do not disturb” on the back. Apparently she wrote this request- while living in the USA -& having various people bother her for photos or to see what she was painting. In this remote setting it looked rather funny. The view, although beautiful didn’t do much to assist me in getting my carving done, but it was nice to spend such a beautiful day outside of my studio. After the light changed too much for Sarah to continue painting we packed up & returned to Mooste. She prepared fried rice for the two of us as I continued carving. After dinner we stayed up carving together fueling ourselves with dark chocolate, red wine, & lively discussion. She drove me back to MoKS around midnight with 88 finished stanchions.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Empathy


I went to retrieve my long chain today and oddly enough it was not there. It appeared as though it had been there for years untouched with plants growing under and over it- but it had disappeared. Maybe someone saw the value in it after I had expressed an interest in it- and had finally gotten permission to take it. Since Evelyn and John were making a trip into Tartu- I wanted to take advantage of their offer to take a load of things to the gallery. After calculating that I would need roughly 75 bricks to fill three windows- Evelyn calculated that her car could hold about half of that weight in bricks. So there will need to be two trips.
Recently I have been able to relate to this feeling that Marcel has expressed, where when you do not hear back from someone you have written to- you start to think about all of the different ways that you may have offended them- & worry that they are mad at you. I think that it is the isolation that causes this kind of paranoia. Everyone else is just going about their life, but from the slow standpoint of Mooste, or from the prison- it almost feels like people are actively ignoring you if you do not hear back from them. I think it is the combination of large quantities of time and very limited human interaction- that tends to amplify the importance of the interactions that you do have, or hope to have. At some moments I find myself huddled next to my laptop, as though it were a fireplace, something to warm me with feelings of social connectedness....
I heard from my mom that Marcel wrote her a letter about being the sickest that he has ever been in prison this past week. He was sweating in his bed- and even had to hang up his sheets and blanket in the middle of the night- while shivering as he waited for them to dry out. And yet, Marcel considers himself lucky to not have caught pneumonia like some of the others. Once again, my own worries and concerns about things like whether or not to attend Art Basel during my week off seem so privileged. Despite my efforts to put myself in a remote & disorienting place such as Mooste, in order to relate more to Marcel’s experiences I hardly feel like I have a glimpse of the social isolation that he experiences living all of those years in those same yards, corridors, cells... After the sun has set & my solitude turns towards loneliness- I wonder to myself how empathy (to put yourself in someone elses shoes) is possible?
Estonian word of the day: "Erutus" meaning emotion.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dream catchers





I guess it is hard to make a spontaneous trip to Russia- because of the ten "working days" that it takes to issue an American a tourist visa. I guess I could have planned ahead a little more on that one. Maybe I will have to take a 36-hour bus ride down to Art Basel for a couple of days in order to compensate for the disappointment. First I need to get myself through my show. So I plan to camp out in the gallery Saturday & Sunday night- while setting up. There is a small kitchen and bathroom in the gallery- apparently all I have to bring is my own sleeping bag. I found out today that yes indeed I get to borrow this massive chain that I discovered half buried in the back of an old warehouse. Evelyn just had to check with the owners of the property and it turns out that I can take it for my show- as long as I bring it back after. After all the metal may be worth the weight of a six pack- once it is traded in at the scrap yard. The chain is large and long enough for me to coil into a massive labyrinth on the floor.
I had my last class with the fifth grade today & they were eager to learn how to make the dream catchers that I had promised to show them to make. I had gotten up early to prep the circle support structures out of Q-tips, but the children did all of the rest. I just gave a small demo and helped a few of them get started. I suggested that if they wanted to add beads- they could carve some out of soap to add to their web. Time expired before they were quite done, but I set up a time if some wanted to come back to finish. One of the boys keeps asking about having one of Marcel’s origami scorpions- and today even offered to buy one. I told him after the show I would gift him one, but he would have to write Marcel to thank him.

This afternoon I had a spontaneous visit from a local 19-year-old girl who is working as a graphic designer in the nearby town of Polva. I guess she had found my blog through the MoKS website. Feeling pressed for time, I offered her a glass of wine and I continued to carve as she told me about how her mother had moved her family from Tallinn to Mooste when she was 15 years old- & what an adjustment she had to make. She says she hitchhikes to work- that it is quite easy here in Estonia. I told her "easy" wasn’t always the issue- & asked whether it was also safe. She said that she has not had any problems so far. I used to hitchhike a lot while living in Canada, but it has been a while since I have used my thumb to get a lift. Although here with the language barrier I think I would be a little reluctant.
Estonian word of the day:"Vaikus" meaning silence.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Dog scare




The day had passed by at seemingly regular intervals-nothing too fast, nothing too slow. I made an outing to go to the post office, which is located in one of the blockhouses to send off some post cards. The woman there always appears to be pleased to have somebody come in & it almost seems like she willfully draws out the procedure- just to prolong having company. She tried her best to speak to me in English only once confusing “please” for “thank you”. I made a trip to the “pood”- store that is located in a different one of the blockhouses. I had ordered some more soap to come there- so I didn't want to let them down by not following through with the purchase. It turns out to be a stronger soap for hand washing clothes- but it has a similar enough look and feel. After roughly cutting out all of the stanchion forms, to be refined tomorrow- I decided to take yet another walk before the sun went down. I had noticed some old playground equipment that intrigued me in the kindergarten playground and I wanted to go back and photograph it after the kids went home. It appears a tad outdated & yet very charming.
My walk was the usual solitary peacefulness that I had expected- until I noticed a dog barking fiercely as I approached. I have always been a bit wary of dogs-even from behind fences- I tend to speed up my stride, but this dog was on the loose & wagging his tail. I tried to calm him down by making whistling sounds & trying to make him docile by treating him as though he was just a friendly old dog. It seemed to work- he backed off and I noticed that he had returned to someone laying on the side of the road- which at first rather alarmed me. I thought maybe someone had gotten hurt or fallen over, but then I noticed a beer bottle & I put two & two together. I had my camera in my pocket and I spontaneously decided to take a picture of the scene, which irritated the dog and he approached me again. Perhaps he could smell my fear- he just started coming towards me in a very intimidating way while growling and showing his teeth. I think my adrenaline kicked in at that point and I began sprinting and yelling "go away" not knowing what he would do if he caught up- I ran all the way back to MoKS even though the loyal & protective dog had returned to his inebriated master.
Estonian word of the day: "Kartus" meaning fear.

Monday, May 19, 2008

To Tartu to measure the windows






I had to go into Tartu today to take my poster design into the Y Gallerii- where I will be having a show-in a week! Kaisa, the woman who runs the gallery- made a special visit to the gallery even though it is closed on Mondays just to let me come in and measure the windows- to calculate how many soviet white bricks I will need to block them out. I was worried about how I was going to install them without the risk of them tumbling down on somebody's head, but it turns out that there are double windows- with a space big enough between them for me to lay the bricks. So now I just have to gather enough abandoned bricks here around Mooste.
I saw an interesting installation of locks on a small pedestrian bridge near the bus depot. It looks like people just started adding locks to it- maybe for good luck or something and then it just became a fad- to add a lock. There were all shapes and sizes of locks. I even saw a bike lock. I took a small video of all of the locks while crossing the bridge as well as a few pictures. Maybe it was just one person that put them all there, but I prefer the idea of them just accruing there naturally....
The bus ride back to Mooste was pleasant, the sun was shining through the window & I could see lots of flowers in bloom and horses grazing in green pastures with old stone windmills. Looking at the scenery is about all I can manage to do in a moving bus; I have never been able to read with motion without feeling ill- so for me transportation time is reserved for day dreaming or as one of my dad's teachers would accuse him of- "wool gathering".
I spent the afternoon making another batch of paper pulp- & managed to finish covering all seven of my meal trays- with only one hand-as my other one is bandaged up- and I did not want to get any printing ink in my wound. Now I just have to pray that they dry in time- other wise I may have to invest in a hair dryer...
Estonian word of the day: "nautima" meaning enjoy.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Teaching chess


It was another long day of carving soap stanchions. Evelyn suggested that I organize "a bee"- work party to get my carving done the fun way- While working with a couple other people- including Evelyn- I had a slip of the knife- and I sliced into my finger by accident. Evelyn bandaged me up- and for the rest of the day I wore my fingerless gloves- as some sort of barrier- that at least psychologically made me less vulnerable to the blade.
I was surprised to receive Diana- one of my devoted carvers from the fifth grade. We had made a date on Wednesday for me to teach her how to play chess- on Sunday at 5pm- & she remembered-so I had to honor her with a game, which ended up being two. The second- "a stale mate"- & it was my mate.

I took a long walk in the dark tonight around midnight. I walked down by the lake and even on to the dock- heading out over the water, which was full of reflections of trees and clouds. An occasional fish would pop out from the water half surprising me. I stood there almost feeling like I was to give a speech to the night- when I looked down something seemed to be glowing in the dark- on closer examination I realized that it was not glow in the dark stickers or splotches of paint but rather- duck poop. I kind of laughed to myself thinking about how something so grotesque could look so ethereal in the right light. Mooste by night seems especially vacant, I managed to run into a cat- who followed me home.
Estonian word of the day: "Tuhi" meaning empty.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Weaving action






I had an interesting day in the forest with five Estonian women and each of us with several spools of red thread. We spent many hours amongst the trees- with the light constantly changing. We wove tunnels between the trees. Sometimes there was silence, with the occasional sound of a coo-coo bird echoing through the woods & at other moments people took turns calling out strange animal sounds-or cries. One girl even had a Jewish harp-, which she played while sitting inside her web on the soft moss. John was there filming the entire time- & even brought a pair of pole climbers- from the soviet times-from a previous telephone repair man- which he used to climb one of the tall trees. Afterwards we were all very hungry and went back to MoKS to make a collective dinner-, which we enjoyed around the fire pit. We shared stories about our grandparents migrations & or forced exiles- apparently many Estonians were sent off to Siberia during WW2 to go to forced labor camps. It was hard to explain my family's bizarre history- me being American but my parents being Mexican, and yet my grandparents being American- of Irish, Scottish & Ukrainian decent etc- to a group of people that have always lived in Estonia, as well as their parents & grandparents- Also hard to answer the very common question: “where are you from?"- I never really know how to answer this one. "Well I was born in....lived in..spent time in ....but now I am living in...but traveling in...and my belongings are in...."

After our diner of salad, potatoes, sausage & wine we head over to the village sauna-, which we had reserved for the night. It was a Finnish style Sauna- apparently the authentic Estonian saunas are actually wood smoke- saunas. It was very hot though & we even used some specially harvested branches to whip our skin- in order to stimulate it- followed by icy cold showers- I guess for Estonians- it is a very normal thing to take a weekly sauna- it is something left over from soviet times- when not everybody had accurate bathing facilities in their own home- so they would go to the communal sauna. The Sauna became a social gathering spot- it was where gossip took place etc as well as an almost sacred place for rituals such as births and even deaths occurred. It is very purifying to go into the sauna, a great opportunity to warm the body- getting rid of any dead skin cells that may clog your pores. The irony is that it is also a ritual to drink beer in the sauna...just to counteract some of that purification. Apparently in the winter- people run out and lay in the snow & then return to the sauna. The lake is a little far from the sauna, but that could be another option. The one thing that is for sure- is that saunas sure do make you sleepy….
Estonian word of the day: "soome saun" meaning sauna.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Midway through Mooste





I had a cup of coffee a little too late in the day yesterday and it kept me up through most of the night. At 430- it was already light outside- I felt an urge to get up and walk around- but at the same time knew that I wanted to get some rest for the following day. I think I fell asleep- once I forgot that I was trying to fall asleep, and so it is. This morning Evelyn, John, Sarah and I made another trip into the town of Polva-where we went to the "palace of cultural affairs"- & the three of them submitted pieces for a juried show on nature. Sarah's painting was still wet- but she signed the back and handed it over to the man in charge. We watched some of John's piece- a video of Evelyn speaking to a lake in Estonian while floating. The water half filled her eye sockets as she spoke.

Afterwards Sarah could not get her car started- it was rather a funny moment when she grabbed a long metal rod from the back seat & opened the hood of the car to bang on something several times, which was to help the starter somehow- but it just made us all laugh at the absurdity of this gesture- somehow being a remedy to a car that wouldn’t start. Eventually she realized that she had forgotten to put it in the park mode before she had turned the car off- and that had humorously been the only problem. Afterwards we drove to a small mini mall where we ate at a little restaurant overlooking a lake. We looked at the world map that I had just bought and talked about where we had each been- where we were interested to go etc. We talked a little bit about map orientation and how that can reveal certain national biases- altering what is in the middle-& even which way is up and down. Despite there being a north and a south pole- who is to say which way is up and which way is down in a universe with infinite space in all directions?

Estonian word of the day: "lootma" meaning hope.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Eventful walk





I had a funny experience gathering early morning WiFi. I was sitting on a colorfully painted stump outside of the inn & my mom- up late, decided to skype me. I didn't have my earphones so we were just taking turns talking back and forth; I grew very self- conscious of sitting on this stump talking to my laptop when about thirty people poured out of the inn at the same time. It must have been a conference of some kind, and they all were taking a breath of fresh air. I grew quiet and switched to the written version of "chatting" letting her know that our private conversation was no longer so private. She could pick up on all of the people in the background speaking Estonian, which she said sounded like "a strange language from out of a dream". For me in the dream, I just sat there, pretending that it was perfectly normal to be sitting outside on a stump with a Mac.

I used the entire batch of paper pulp, which I thought would cover all seven meal trays, but I guess only covered two. I will have to borrow that special power mixer again- now that the electricity, water & Internet are all up and running. This evening I decided to "walk my bones"- as my older brother Michael says. I was enjoying the sun's warmth after several cold, almost winterish days. I approached a field of cows & I stopped to examine them. It was interesting to see their reaction; they all began running towards me-as though I was going to feed them. The fence, although electric seemed a little low for my liking- so I stepped away. As I headed back in the direction of MoKs I saw some smoke in the distance & as I approached I could see flickering flames amongst the trees in a small wooded area. I heard the sound of children, so I thought that I should go and take a look just to make sure that it was not an accident, or some weird prank. It ended up being a bunch of teenagers standing around a very loosely defined bon fire. I felt a little nervous about it, but even more nervous to confront a bunch of Estonian teenage boys who reacted to me approaching by turning their backs towards me to take a piss into the fire... So I kept walking. A little further down the road, I saw some movement in a field and at first I thought that it was a group of rabbits, but as I watched their movements I realized that they were not hopping, but running. There in the field were three foxes, what appeared to be a mother and two youngsters. One of the little ones started running towards me, similar to the cows. The mother was making a strange crying sound- as though to call him back, but he kept running. I actually got a bit frightened not knowing how it was going to react, and despite it being very small I turned and started walking the other direction. It did not follow me, but scurried off into the bushes- leaving it's mother hollering from across the field. The walk, I had craved as a way to invigorate me, and so it did. It is funny how while living in a city like New York, people learn how to tune things out, in order to illuminate excessive amounts of stimulus, while in remote places such as Mooste, I find myself looking for movement even in seemingly empty fields.

I notice that isolation, as in being alone- can be at times very desirable. My senses seem more heightened, my appreciation for nature seems more genuine, and my thoughts & memory more lucid.... & yet other things seem disagreeable. I do not enjoy eating alone; it seems more like a chore- something like watering a plant so that it does not wither. Going to bed merely feels like retiring, another necessary act for rejuvenation. During the last skype that I shared with my mom & Marcel, Marcel shared a couple of the responses that he had gathered from inmates about when they felt most alone- one of them that I recall was- "when my visitors leave, & I am left behind" I would have to agree that the loneliest feeling, is being left behind. This can manifest in many ways. Certain people in society may feel left behind for various reasons, whether they have learning disabilities or mental illnesses, or maybe just bad luck. Prisoners may feel like they have been buried alive, out of sight, out of mind. Certain indigenous cultures may feel pressure to "catch up" with technological advances, being coerced into agricultural propaganda, terminator seeds & planned obsolescence. One lover may decide to go his/her separate way before the other wished it so- in any which scenario, no one likes to be left behind...

Estonian word of the day: "loobuma" meaning renounce, abandon.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Soap carving & paper-pulp sculpting




Today, I woke up early to prepare myself for the fifth graders to come back to work on their soap carving. They seemed excited to get back to work. Several of them finished one bust and began a second, while others opted to carve a key out of soap as I had shown them mine. They traced their house keys- and then carved them. I offered one boy a cord to hold his key- but it was a nylon string that was kind of unwinding at the end- making it hard to thread through the keyhole. So I showed him a trick- by whipping out a lighter and melting the end so that it was hard & easy to thread. He seemed impressed- or maybe a little surprised at the sudden flame before his eyes. The children agreed to let me borrow their carvings for my exhibition in Tartu, provided they got them back and I would throw in an additional class- next week to show them how to make “prison style” dream catchers out of Q-tips, toilet paper, & dental floss. Again, I had two girls come after school- ready to work more on their busts- now that they know they will be shown in Tartu. One girl even made a movable tongue that could be moved from the back end of the head- almost like some sort of puppet for an animation.
After class, John came by with his big mixer, and helped me puree the paper pulp. I used cheesecloth to strain the excess water out of the mixture & then was able to mold it over my cardboard armature for my "compartmentalized meal trays". I got to meet Thomas, another local artist working with sound- sculpture & also a member of MoKS. He noticed that one of the pawns was missing on the origami chess set of Marcel’s. The pawn had actually slipped through a hole in a box on its way home after an exhibition in France. It was the only missing piece. I have asked Marcel to make a replacement for it- but apparently they no longer carry that special thick pastel paper on his canteen. I was thinking about it- conceptually & in a way having a missing piece is what disables the game, which in a strange way is also what animates it. It illustrates the power of one in some sort of social structure. Thomas mentioned that he has a “sickness” for chess- so perhaps we will get a chance to play a game sometime- as the virtual version is not quite the same. After a conversation we had about social psychology & the possibilities of Internet research -it seems that the “virtual” is not always equivalent to the “real”. The town mayor also made a visit to MoKS- just at an inopportune moment for me to shake his hand- because it was covered in paper pulp, but we acknowledged each other with a smile & he got a glimpse of the mischief that I am up to.
We had a communal style lunch-, which was prepared with no running water- as it was cut off for construction purposes for the later part of the day. Now the electricity went out again- & that also shuts off the internet- so I am leaching WiFi from outside the Mooste inn. What a devoted blogger I have become! It’s like going outdoors to pump one's water from a well or to gather firewood- I am merely gathering wireless signals.
Estonian word of the day: “Maavarin”, meaning earthquake

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Lonely Planet Guide to Mooste




I finally decided what I want to do with all of the food wrappers & mysterious Estonian labels that I have been collecting. I would like to create a series of food trays out of them- similar to the ones that I am making out of soap to accompany Marcel's prison food log. Evelyn & John helped me come up with the idea to mold them out of paper pulp before I cover them with my food labels. We filled the mopping bucket with hot water & began shredding up some of the stacked newspapers that are in the studio for starting fires. Fires take place in a brick stove that require you to quickly burn lots of wood down into glowing embers and then to close the door and shut a shoot- keeping the heat in to warm the bricks. If it is shut too soon you will be exposed to carbon monoxide, which could lead to suffocation. So the door has to be shut just at the right moment- after the coals have been thoroughly raked. I have had John & Evelyn's help on several occasions to build a fire to dry up any dampness lurking in the studio. -Back to my paper pulp, it is soaking over night to moisten so that tomorrow it can be ground down into a moldable mixture, which I can sculpt my meal trays out of.

Evelyn & John had just returned from a meeting with the town mayor and other important people in the community to address the future of tourism in Mooste. Apparently it was just acknowledged as being one of the most desirable spots to visit in Polva County & they are feeling the pressure to live up to that expectation. Mooste holds various events throughout the year including a Christmas fair and a folk festival, which manage quite successfully to bring many visitors from outside of the community. However, besides these special events there is not much going on here in Mooste for tourists to partake in. I see many a nice car enter Mooste, make the quick round looking at the old buildings through their windows & then zoom back to the main road to hit up the next place that was written about on their triangle map of "places to see". Mooste has one inn for guests to stay overnight, but there are still no cafes or restaurants for people to linger. There are no kiosks to buy neither postcards nor souvenirs. John expressed how there was little said at the meeting about where the money would actually go- provided Mooste did become a place which enticed a bit of spending. Would it go back into the community? Whole volumes have been written on the subject of sustainable tourism, but how could it manifest itself in a place as small as Mooste? What kinds of people would be worth attracting here & how could those people contribute positively to this community?

MoKs, an artist residency with currently only two studios has already put themselves on the global map, even with very little promotion. The attitude of "let the art world come to us" seems to work- when there is such a desperate need from artists all over the world to have the time & space to work in a supportive environment. Many artists are figuring out how to make a whole lifestyle out of it- not couch surfing, but "residency hopping". I think that it is part of MoKS mission to make this rather elite nomadic experience more transparent & accessible for a broader population. I could see Mooste expanding in a positive way by having a lively, cultured group of people that moderately fluctuate throughout the year, but that RETURN.
Artists have always played a role in transformation & gentrification of places both for better & for worse- I can only say that once a "pearl" is exposed- such as the pearl district in Portland, Oregon- it rapidly looses it's pearldom....

I had dinner with Sara- & we unwound from our stressful day of being artists over some potato cakes & cheap Russian table wine. I had my first walk home in the dark- across Mooste. There was little light, with the exception of the moon. I could only hear birds of the night- so far no encounters with ghosts, but I could feel my heart racing a bit as I struggled to align the key into the front door.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mindful walking





If you ever want to practice "mindful walking"- go outside right after a rainfall in a place with lots of snails- & try walking without hearing any crunching sounds under your feet. This afternoon the electricity went out and so I had no light. I was preparing for an early night to bed- maybe try to read by candle flicker, but then the light came back on. I guess it happens rather regularly according to the teacher who lives next door. She was explaining to me that her lights were working but not her refrigerator this time. After living in a small rural school in Brazil for six months I am accustomed to having no electricity-on occasion. You just have to have your candles ready to combat the sudden darkness. I spent a good chunk of the day carving soap again. I decided to try to make a small set of stanchions, which I have been obsessed with for some time. I think that they represent the human desire to have order. They are supposed to guide people in the right direction at airports, keep "regular Joes" out of VIP entrances, & keep people from getting too close to precious objects in museums. With their polished chrome and red velvet cords, they serve as a polite way to express physical boundaries & limitations. This fascination with stanchions led me to photograph them in various locations in NYC last fall. I wanted to document their usage. I sent several photographs to Marcel, expressing my desire to make a huge labyrinth out of stanchions. Right away he drew me several pictures of what that might look like, which I brought here to Mooste. Now I would like to carve a small 3D model of a stanchion labyrinth out of soap and use simple white string for the cords which connect one to another. Since the excuse of having no electricity was no longer valid, I managed to finish my first pair. Now I just have to mass produce them. It seems to be a pattern for Marcel and me- that we design these projects that require us to make many of the same thing over & over.
Estonian word of the day: "Tume" meaning dark.