Eventful walk

I had a funny experience gathering early morning WiFi. I was sitting on a colorfully painted stump outside of the inn & my mom- up late, decided to skype me. I didn't have my earphones so we were just taking turns talking back and forth; I grew very self- conscious of sitting on this stump talking to my laptop when about thirty people poured out of the inn at the same time. It must have been a conference of some kind, and they all were taking a breath of fresh air. I grew quiet and switched to the written version of "chatting" letting her know that our private conversation was no longer so private. She could pick up on all of the people in the background speaking Estonian, which she said sounded like "a strange language from out of a dream". For me in the dream, I just sat there, pretending that it was perfectly normal to be sitting outside on a stump with a Mac.

I used the entire batch of paper pulp, which I thought would cover all seven meal trays, but I guess only covered two. I will have to borrow that special power mixer again- now that the electricity, water & Internet are all up and running. This evening I decided to "walk my bones"- as my older brother Michael says. I was enjoying the sun's warmth after several cold, almost winterish days. I approached a field of cows & I stopped to examine them. It was interesting to see their reaction; they all began running towards me-as though I was going to feed them. The fence, although electric seemed a little low for my liking- so I stepped away. As I headed back in the direction of MoKs I saw some smoke in the distance & as I approached I could see flickering flames amongst the trees in a small wooded area. I heard the sound of children, so I thought that I should go and take a look just to make sure that it was not an accident, or some weird prank. It ended up being a bunch of teenagers standing around a very loosely defined bon fire. I felt a little nervous about it, but even more nervous to confront a bunch of Estonian teenage boys who reacted to me approaching by turning their backs towards me to take a piss into the fire... So I kept walking. A little further down the road, I saw some movement in a field and at first I thought that it was a group of rabbits, but as I watched their movements I realized that they were not hopping, but running. There in the field were three foxes, what appeared to be a mother and two youngsters. One of the little ones started running towards me, similar to the cows. The mother was making a strange crying sound- as though to call him back, but he kept running. I actually got a bit frightened not knowing how it was going to react, and despite it being very small I turned and started walking the other direction. It did not follow me, but scurried off into the bushes- leaving it's mother hollering from across the field. The walk, I had craved as a way to invigorate me, and so it did. It is funny how while living in a city like New York, people learn how to tune things out, in order to illuminate excessive amounts of stimulus, while in remote places such as Mooste, I find myself looking for movement even in seemingly empty fields.

I notice that isolation, as in being alone- can be at times very desirable. My senses seem more heightened, my appreciation for nature seems more genuine, and my thoughts & memory more lucid.... & yet other things seem disagreeable. I do not enjoy eating alone; it seems more like a chore- something like watering a plant so that it does not wither. Going to bed merely feels like retiring, another necessary act for rejuvenation. During the last skype that I shared with my mom & Marcel, Marcel shared a couple of the responses that he had gathered from inmates about when they felt most alone- one of them that I recall was- "when my visitors leave, & I am left behind" I would have to agree that the loneliest feeling, is being left behind. This can manifest in many ways. Certain people in society may feel left behind for various reasons, whether they have learning disabilities or mental illnesses, or maybe just bad luck. Prisoners may feel like they have been buried alive, out of sight, out of mind. Certain indigenous cultures may feel pressure to "catch up" with technological advances, being coerced into agricultural propaganda, terminator seeds & planned obsolescence. One lover may decide to go his/her separate way before the other wished it so- in any which scenario, no one likes to be left behind...

Estonian word of the day: "loobuma" meaning renounce, abandon.